Fundamentally, I am a very impatient person. I do not like to wait for things, and I have an extremely low tolerance for long queues, disorganisation and bad service. In fact, it has been muttered by those close to me, that I have no tolerance for those things at all. Unfortunately, my life had abounded in opportunities for me to learn how to be patient and how to wait. Despite the extensive practice I have had, I am not doing very well at mastering the skill.
Yes, I do think that waiting calmly is a skill that needs to be developed. I have a theory (and it is only a theory) that patience is not a virtue… it’s genetic, and that particular gene skipped me over entirely. It would certainly explain a lot!
I am not saying that I can’t wait. I can. I have to. I am not so petulant as to believe that everything I desire needs to be delivered to me right now. (Well, okay, I sometimes think that, but I know that real life doesn’t work that way, and sometimes you have to suck it up and just go with it). The thing that I can’t do is to wait patiently, to wait with grace, and to believe that it will happen (whatever it is) when the time is right. I really, really struggle with this.
Luckily, I have a faith. I really do not know how I would cope without one. If I can tell myself that what I am hoping for will happen in God’s time, then I find it helps me to control the impatience I feel. I still get annoyed that I HAVE to wait, but at least, I have the belief that it will happen when God decides it is the right time. I am thinking particularly here of the “being a Mother” thing which seems to preoccupy the majority of my thoughts at the moment. I have waited. And waited. And waited. I have moved things along, I have endeavoured to be proactive, we have enquired after children all without success. On the bad days I begin to wonder if it is all worth it, and I am close to packing it all in and giving up. On the good days I remind myself that God will provide, if it is the right course of action in the first place, when the right child is available for us. I will admit that just at the moment, the bad days are outweighing the good ones.
Now, reading around this topic, most of the the good stuff associated with waiting is about delayed gratification. Certainly, when/if the time comes and I have a small person calling me “Mummy”, I will have the delight of hearing that. I am also looking forward to all the problems and issues that come with being a parent. Yes, you read that correctly. I look forward to them, because it will be proof that I have become a parent, which is my dearly held wish. Waiting and wanting for so long certainly puts a different perspective on everything. I think the fact I have HAD to be patient, will mean that I will be profoundly grateful for whatever hits my plate. The good, the bad, the profoundly busy, the obstacles, every last bit of it. It strikes me that those who never have to wait for anything at all; perhaps they do not actually appreciate what they have?
As for surviving the waiting – I don’t really know. Sometimes it feels like I have managed it (usually by keeping myself so busy I haven’t got the time to turn around, or by counting my existing blessings and being fervently grateful for them). But there are also times when I feel so far from coping it is frightening. I suspect this is common for everyone. I read that meditating and trying to attain peace is a good way of keeping things together as well, although very difficult to do.
If you are waiting for something, then join the club. How do you get through it? Any suggestions, gratefully received!