And I really do not want to fail again.
I have often muttered to people that diets and eating plans and lifestyle changes always fail me. The actual fact of the matter is that I fail them. After so many years of attempting to lose weight and inches, I continually fail at them. I am really good at failing at them actually. It is a talent. But it stops now.
Today is the first day of Operation Chrysalis. I woke up this morning, weighed myself, measured my salient dimensions (nearly died of horror as I took those numbers down) and I have decided that these numbers are the worst numbers that are going in the little book we now have in the bathroom. I am going to reduce those numbers, and I am going to lose weight and inches. There is no point weighing and measuring every day because our weight and size oscillates quite regularly, and it is quite a soul destroying process to monitor that daily, so it is going to be a weekly thing instead.
I have to run my Mother to the hospital to an outpatient clinic this morning. But when I get home, I need to sort out my plan of attack. Butterflies do not need to plan, but I am a caterpillar right now and caterpillars definitely need to plan.
I know two things right now. I am going to self sabotage the eating side of things because I always do, and at some point my body will stop co-operating and will increase the weight or the inches somehow and I will get all dramatic and throw up my arms and wail and gnash my teeth and throw myself dramatically over the furniture proclaiming how unfair it all is. So, I need to have a plan in place so I can counteract both of these things. I guess the one benefit of being on a diet of one sort of another over 35 years is that you know your faults and foibles.
But I also need to have a plan so that I can fit in everything I think is necessary to the success of Operation Chrysalis. The food side, the exercise side, the “I have nothing to wear because my clothes are hanging off me” side (I will get there. I will). If I write it down then I have something to refer to when the attack of the drama queen vapours takes over – and please, feel free to kick me in the bahookie if you see this sort of behaviour as well as remind me that my plans have been written down and really ought to be used. Thank you.
Now, the other thing I am implementing in Operation Chrysalis is that we must all look our best. By this I mean we must all brush our hair, wear clean clothes every day (unless you are painting or doing mucky jobs in the garden… we need to be realistic here people!) and make ourselves feel good. I actually do feel better when I have my hair done, or when I put make up on, and when I make an effort with what I wear. I know this doesn’t happen for everyone. But do whatever it is that makes you feel good. It is powerful medicine for the head stuff.
I think the biggest part of planning in Operation Chrysalis is changing our collective head stuff. So here is my starter for 10. If you hate yourself when you are big, then getting skinny is not going to change anything. You will still hate yourself. That mind set has to change before anything else does.
So I will be planning for that as well. Any ideas gratefully received!!