Tag Archives: weight

Failing to plan is planning to fail…

And I really do not want to fail again.


I have often muttered to people that diets and eating plans and lifestyle changes always fail me.  The actual fact of the matter is that I fail them.  After so many years of attempting to lose weight and inches, I continually fail at them.  I am really good at failing at them actually.  It is a talent.  But it stops now.

Today is the first day of Operation Chrysalis.  I woke up this morning, weighed myself, measured my salient dimensions (nearly died of horror as I took those numbers down) and I have decided that these numbers are the worst numbers that are going in the little book we now have in the bathroom.  I am going to reduce those numbers, and I am going to lose weight and inches. There is no point weighing and measuring every day because our weight and size oscillates quite regularly, and it is quite a soul destroying process to monitor that daily, so it is going to be a weekly thing instead.


I have to run my Mother to the hospital to an outpatient clinic this morning.  But when I get home, I need to sort out my plan of attack.  Butterflies do not need to plan, but I am a caterpillar right now and caterpillars definitely need to plan.

I know two things right now.  I am going to self sabotage the eating side of things because I always do, and at some point my body will stop co-operating and will increase the weight or the inches somehow and I will get all dramatic and throw up my arms and wail and gnash my teeth and throw myself dramatically over the furniture proclaiming how unfair it all is.  So, I need to have a plan in place so I can counteract both of these things.  I guess the one benefit of being on a diet of one sort of another over 35 years is that you know your faults and foibles.

But I also need to have a plan so that I can fit in everything I think is necessary to the success of Operation Chrysalis.  The food side, the exercise side, the “I have nothing to wear because my clothes are hanging off me” side (I will get there. I will).  If I write it down then I have something to refer to when the attack of the drama queen vapours takes over – and please, feel free to kick me in the bahookie if you see this sort of behaviour as well as remind me that my plans have been written down and really ought to be used.  Thank you.

Now, the other thing I am implementing in Operation Chrysalis is that we must all look our best.  By this I mean we must all brush our hair, wear clean clothes every day (unless you are painting or doing mucky jobs in the garden… we need to be realistic here people!) and make ourselves feel good.  I actually do feel better when I have my hair done, or when I put make up on, and when I make an effort with what I wear.  I know this doesn’t happen for everyone.  But do whatever it is that makes you feel good.  It is powerful medicine for the head stuff.

self love

I think the biggest part of planning in Operation Chrysalis is changing our collective head stuff.  So here is my starter for 10.  If you hate yourself when you are big, then getting skinny is not going to change anything.  You will still hate yourself.   That mind set has to change before anything else does.

So I will be planning for that as well.  Any ideas gratefully received!!


Why oh why is this still an issue?

Before I start my post, which will become something of a rant (what?  I know my faults!) I want to wish my Mum a very happy birthday.


It is the first birthday she is celebrating while living so close to us, and so I am going to try and make it a great day for her.  We are off to Chatsworth in Derbyshire, and we are stopping at a fabric shop in Chesterfield on the way home.  Then this evening, I am making dinner, and a birthday cake for her.  It is going to be a lovely day!  (And it appears the weather is even behaving itself!)

Yesterday, I had some exciting news.  Hubby and I had expressed interest in two sets of siblings via our social worker and the social worker of one of the sets of siblings came back and thought, judging from our profile on one of these database whatsits, that we would be a potential match for them.  Cue excited squeaking noises.  I will confess to doing little jigs and a couple of excited jumps as well.


So I called our social worker and made sure that she was ready to send our report to the children’s social worker.  It turns out that the Adoption Panel wanted to have some more information than they got from our panel interview.  Okay, I said.  What can I do to help?  What followed was a 30 minute interview on the telephone, including the last item which was about my weight.


Oh yes indeedy, that old chestnut again.  Sigh.  I hate this.  I loathe the fact that I am continually judged by the people in “authority” by the way I look and by a number on the scales.  Yes, I am bigger than “average” or “normal” whatever the hell that means.  But I am also healthier than anyone I know.  I certainly have more energy than anyone I know and I am capable of working as fast as anyone requires me to do.  Just ask the people who have stepped into my former jobs when I have moved onto pastures new.  The muttered phrase of “How the hell did she get THROUGH it all” has been mentioned on numerous occasions.  And if you take a look at my to do lists, and what I can get through each day, one of my closest friends has said that my energy levels make her feel like she is part sloth.

So once again, I need to get focussed on what I put in my body.  Since coming back from our holiday I would say we had relaxed our focus somewhat, but we are a long way from being slovenly diet wise, and not all of our bad habits had crept back.  Some of them had, certainly.  But not all of them.

I will also admit to getting more than a little defensive with our social worker as well yesterday.  I have been approved as an adoptive parent.  The adoption panel medical adviser had cleared me as being fine.  My own cow of a GP admitted (through gritted teeth) that there is nothing that can stop me from being a fine and proper parent.  I do hope they are all listening as I say the next bit through a loud hailer, right by their collective ears.

loud hailer